Reads the first couple of phrases...
IN FRUSTRATION, he then DELETES your email.
Because your initial few sentences did not correspond to the subject line, which confused and frustrated them.
The email seemed pointless...
Maybe, the subject line could have been clickbait.
It's like walking into a chocolate shop and discovering lawn mowers.
CHOCOLATE WAS PROMISED TO YOU!
“Where has the chocolate gone?”
“This can't possibly be the right place... Let's get out of here!”
I had just opened an email that claimed... "How to Get Budget Approval for Copywriting School."
Yes, this was written by someone who TEACHES COPYWRITING, not simply a copywriter.
And yet, the first 33 lines of that email contain no mention of obtaining budget permission for copywriting school (I kid you not!).
Midway through the email, the author finally (FINALLY!) states:
So, what's stopping you from enrolling in my excellent copywriting school with 9 billion (my number) other copywriters and marketers?
Remove the entire first half of the email, begin with these three lines, and proceed from there, and you may have an effective email.
But what did I do the first time I got this email? I closed it after reading numerous lines that seemed irrelevant to the subject line.
Then I reopened it and scrolled down, thinking that this may be an excellent lesson for all of us.
While scrolling, I came across a completely unrelated huge gif of a woman closing her eyes and shaking her head. What do you think? That simply added to my confusion.
We shouldn't have to rework emails sent by someone who teaches copywriting.
And yet, here we are.
This subject line and the first two lines of this email were received within the same hour from an online marketer I KNOW is making at least seven figures:
Subject Line: A system to add 30K to 100K each month
First line of email: Want to work together to add [30K to 100K+] per month to your monthly bottom line?
Second line: My system produces this type of revenue for winners who add in “big-fee” or “high-priced” programs to what they do... or to those who need a more compelling and irresistible offer.
Take note of how the first line grows on the topic line. There is no ambiguity here, and we also receive additional explanation.
The second line explains how this is possible, establishing that he knows what he's talking about.
I'm two lines into this email and instead of being perplexed, I have a VERY good sense of what's going on, how it works, and why I should read the rest of it.
It's worth noting that it's not even very nicely written. Adding 30K per month to your monthly bottom line? No English teacher would allow it, and yet the reader understands exactly what he means.
I'd drop the "for winners" and replace it with something like "for smart marketers."
But that's just my opinion. The truth is that you only have a few seconds to make your subscriber GLAD she opened the email. Don't get her mixed up. Don't have her read 30 sentences to get to the point. Respect her time and get to the heart of the situation as soon as possible.
This isn't to say you can't tell stories. After the second line, you may tell a story of how you helped poor miserable Marketing Mavis achieve the same thing. The point is, your reader now understands what the devil you're talking about, and she's eager to accompany you on the adventure since you TOLD HER exactly what this email is about.
Sorry if I go off on a rant when I see sloppy marketing like this, but I'm just so frustrated by how people get in their own way.
Maintain a straightforward approach. Expand on your subject line in your first line. Lay the groundwork right away so readers know they're in the RIGHT PLACE.
Then and only then should you begin your fancy stuff, stories, details, and so on.
Try that and see if your click-through rate doesn't significantly improve.
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